| Deciding to Euthanize your Pet |
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| Making a decision to help your companion animal die can be one of the most difficult and painful decisions you will ever make in your life. We have developed this guide to help you with this difficult decision.
Once you realize the time for your pet's euthanasia is near, it is helpful to do as much planning and preparing ahead of time as possible. The purpose of this list is to make you aware of the many choices you have about your pet's death. Please discuss any decisions you are uncertain about with your veterinarian.
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When preparing for your pet's euthanasia, it is helpful to:
· Ask your veterinarian to describe the methods and details of the euthanasia procedure.
· Decide whether or not to be present during your pet's euthanasia.
· Decide who else (if anyone) you would like to have present during the euthanasia. If you wish to be alone during the procedure, you may still want to ask a friend or family member to accompany you to the appointment so you will have support before and afterward.
· Plan the logistical details of your pet's euthanasia.
o When should it take place?
o Where should it take place?
o How will you care for your pet's body?
o What will you transport/bury your pet's body in if you take it with you?
· Consider a post-mortem examination. Post-mortems can potentially answer the questions you may have regarding your pet's illness or injury.
· Think about how you want to say goodbye and/or memorialize your pet.
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| Although grief responses, in general, differ from one person to another, there are many predictable expressions of grief. These expressions occur on physical, intellectual, emotional, social, and spiritual levels. Before, during, and after loss, grief may appear in several of the following forms.
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Physical: crying, sobbing, wailing, shock and numbness, dry mouth, a lump in the throat, shortness of breath, stomach ache or nausea, tightness in the chest, restlessness, fatigue, exhaustion, sleep disturbance, appetite disturbance, body aches, stiffness of joints or muscles, dizziness or fainting
Intellectual: denial, sense of unreality, confusion, inability to concentrate, feeling preoccupied by the loss, experiencing hallucinations concerning the loss (visual, auditory, and olfactory,) a need to reminisce about the loved one and to talk about the circumstances of the loss, a sense that time is passing very slowly, a desire to rationalize or intellectualize feelings about the loss, thoughts or fantasies about suicide (not accompanied by concrete plans or behaviors)
Emotional: sadness, anger, depression, guilt, anxiety, relief, loneliness, irritability, a desire to blame others for the loss, resentment, embarrassment, self-doubt, lowered self-esteem, feelings of being overwhelmed or out of control, feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, feelings of victimization, giddiness, affect that is inappropriate for the situation (nervous smiles and laughter)
Social: feelings of withdrawal, isolation and alienation, a greater dependency on others, a rejection of others, rejection by others, a reluctance to ask others for help, change in friends or in living arrangements, a desire to re-locate or move, a need to find distractions from the intensity of grief (to stay busy or to over-commit to activities)
Spiritual: bargaining with God in an attempt to prevent loss, feeling angry at God when loss occurs, renewed or shaken religious beliefs, feelings of being either blessed or punished, searching for a meaningful interpretation of a loved one's death, paranormal visions or dreams concerning a dead loved one, questioning whether or not souls exist and wondering what happens to loved ones after death, the need to "finish business" with a purposeful ending or closure to the relationship (a funeral, memorial service, last rites ceremony, good-bye ritual).
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Grief is one of the most normal and natural emotions that we can feel; yet it is one of the most misunderstood. Grief is a normal, and unavoidable reaction to the loss of treasured loved one. Because grief often involves very painful and difficult feelings, most of us think that our grief is wrong or crazy in some way. Nothing could be further from the truth. Grief is a very healthy psychological response that requires expression and acknowledgement. Attempts to suppress feelings of grief can sometimes actually prolong the healing process.
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Our discomfort with grief comes from a variety of sources, but can often be traced back to how our own families have dealt with loss, and how society in general responds to a bereaved person. Unfortunately, many of the responses we hear reinforce the notion that grief is unnatural and perpetuate the myths that grief should be avoided and expressed only behind closed doors. Society tends to reward the more unhealthy responses (stoicism and avoidance) while punishing the more healthy ones (expression and acceptance). Some common responses we hear when a death occurs are as follows:
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Try to stay busy.
Big boys don't cry.
No sense dwelling on the past.
You must be strong right now.
Support groups are for weaklings.
Out of sight, out of mind.
He had a good life.
Think of all your good memories.
You still have other pets.
Count your blessings.
God needs him more than you do.
If you look around you can always find someone who is worse off than yourself.
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These responses suggest to us that we should not feel badly about our losses. They encourage us to avoid our feelings and put pressure on us to get over the loss as soon as possible. Grief just doesn't work that way and cannot be put onto a time schedule. Everyone grieves in their own time and in their own way, and creating artificial deadlines or expecting grief to disappear overnight only creates more stress for the bereaved person.
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These responses also minimize the griever's pain and do not acknowledge the loss that the griever feels. They also suggest to us that we have no right to be upset or distressed about the loss. These kind of responses can make a griever feel guilty or ashamed about being upset and reinforce the notion that grieving is wrong.
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| Other common responses like... life goes on... you'll find new friends to love or just go out and get yourself another dog suggest that loved ones are easily and readily replaced. They tell the griever to handle the pain by replacing the loss and forgetting the past. The notion of replacing a loss as a way of handling the grief comes to many of us from a very early age. Many of us can probably recall from childhood losing a favorite toy or beloved object and being told, "don't feel bad, we'll buy you a new one tomorrow. Responses like these minimize and complicate the griever's pain by insinuating that the loss was relatively unimportant and should be fixed by replacement.
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Given that our society promotes many of these myths about grief, it is important to remember that a grieving person needs acknowledgement, validation, and support. One of the best ways to deal with our grief is to understand that it is normal and to not make any judgements about our emotions. There are times when we can handle these feelings with the support of family and friends, and there are other times when professional assistance may be very helpful. There are many professional counselors, therapists, and members of the clergy trained in the areas of loss and grief who can provide assistance through the grieving process. There are also many books, articles, and other resources about the grief process available in most public libraries and local bookstores.
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Factors That Can Complicate Grief
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If one or more of these factors are present, the grief process may be complicated and more difficult to complete.
- No previous experience with significant loss, death, or grief
- Other recent losses
- A personal history involving multiple losses
- Little or no support from friends or family
- Societal norms that trivialize and negate the loss
- Insensitive comments from others about the loss
- Feelings of guilt or responsibility for a death
- Untimely deaths like those of children, young adults, or young companion animals
- Deaths that happen suddenly, without warning
- Deaths that occur after long, lingering illnesses
- Deaths that have no known cause or that could have been prevented
- An unexplained disappearance
- Not being present at death
- Not viewing the body after death
- Witnessing a painful or traumatic death
- Deaths that occur in conjunction with other significant life events like birthdays, holidays, or a divorce
- After death anniversary dates and holidays
- Stories in the media that misrepresent or cast doubt on medical treatment procedures
- Advice based on others' negative experiences with death or on inaccurate information about normal grief.
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| You may feel the need to share your grief with others but find it difficult to get the support you need. It is often doubly hard when the loss involves your companion animal. Family and friends might take the time to listen, but occasionally they many not be able to understand the significance your pet had in your life or the extent of your grief.
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If you need to talk to someone who will understand your feelings of loss and grief, there are resources available to you.
To find a pet counselor in your area: See Links
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© Lagoni L., Butler C, Hetts S. The Human-Animal Bond and Grief.W.B. Saunders; Philadelphia, 1994. |
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